Following with the reasons why I did not identify myself with the images I was observing of women, the second one came from the soap operas that were and go on being screened on TV.
I remember that in most of them, women were pictured: or really mean, or always a victim of other women, and the reason because this happened was normally because they were behind the same guy. So I asked myself: “I am not interested in being like any of those, why should I be like that? And anyway, why such a big fuss about guys? What’s the big deal with them?” Because even though I had read all the silly tales all girls were read to in those times (Snow White, Cinderella, etc), it was definitely not clear to me how it could be true that being with a man was such a wonderful thing, if what I saw around me was so much suffering. (Remember I was still not even a teenager so the hormones had not yet touch a cell of my brain or sexual organs.)
Also the image given of men in those soap operas was not so interesting. Men that were absolutely not aware of what was going on around them, emotionally disconnected and always very interested in other things (football, competition with other guys) or following some kind of dream, among other stuff.
I noticed then, that women were pictured looking towards men as their key to enter the world, while men looked in a dream to be fulfilled in the world to gain the love of the woman they liked. So men had to achieve something to be loved and women simply had to be beautiful, virgin and strong enough to fight other women on the way to gain the man and through him their entrance to the world. This will definitely be a theme for a coming article!!!!
And again, why should things be like that? Why should I fight other women to get a man? Let him see who he likes and fuck it! There are lots of men in the world. Anyway, you have no idea if the idealized man will turn out to be a really good partner. For what I saw, not necessarily.
Another thing I found a real mystery was that girls and later teenagers, would copy those behaviors and would behave like bitches or even would talk horribly about women and how mean and envious they were in comparison to men. SO THEY HAD SIMPLY TAKEN THE STEREOTYPED IMAGE THAT WAS GIVEN TO THEM AND GOT IN CHARGE OF INCARNATING IT AND PUBLICIZE IT.
I disagreed completely and got in charge in being someone different, I had no role model but at least I had my mum regularly telling us: “You girls study and get a degree, so that you don’t depend economically on any man.” That sounded quite reasonable for me, so I decided to learn absolutely everything I was taught in school and became the greatest nerd on earth. She also taught us exactly the contrary to that like: “Find a man that treats you like a queen and gives you everything you want.” As you can imagine, I found that quite contradictory and obviously resonated much more with the first statement than with the second. So I became a nerd, always the best in the class, great in sports and not interested at all in boys. But teenage-hood came, and I´ll tell you later about that.
But there’s still a third reason why I really didn’t like what I was living in relation to being a woman, and that was seeing my elder sister become a teenager. That will be the theme of tomorrow´s article.
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A big hug,